I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
