Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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