he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
