Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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