you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize