Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
