obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
