And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
