lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
