Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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