Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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