lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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