i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize