I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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