he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
