I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
