Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
