No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
