Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
