I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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