I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
