he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
