Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
