I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
