I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
