So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
