Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
