I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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