see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
