Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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