Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
