I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
