just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
