Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
