Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
