do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
