i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize