We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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