Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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