2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
