I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
