just tell him i said nine months
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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