he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
