Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
