Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
