If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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