yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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