I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Welp...herpes.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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