too bad you live with your parents still
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
