All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
