Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
