I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
