watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
