so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
