It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
