A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
