So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
