i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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