Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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