It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
