Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
