Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
