Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
