Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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