It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize