Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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