Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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