How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
