Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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